Jerry, you need to find god
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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