It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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