It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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