I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
