Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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