her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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