guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
