I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
And then he peed in my hair
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