dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
