Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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