Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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