If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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