Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
