and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
