...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
