Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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