You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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