My sheets look like a crime scene.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
