The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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