At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
