I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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