I wish I could punch you in the face.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
