I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Houston, we have a blender
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize