i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
