woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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