and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
