Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
