and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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