why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
