Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
