i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
