TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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