I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
