Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
