Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
