This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize