Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
