So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
