im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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