my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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