There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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