I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
