Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
