She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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