I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
