I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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