just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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