Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
NoShamevember. You game?
soo... how was my night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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