my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize