After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
