Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
