I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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