she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
