We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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