you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
