There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
