Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
