All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
whose parrot is this?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
