I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
