I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
