I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
