we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
God I need to hump something, right now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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