I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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