shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
too bad you live with your parents still
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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