Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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