I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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